an ifs primer

hi,

if you liked last week’s email you’ll like this one too.

it’s introspective. it’s inwards. it’s raw.

we’ll cover something i’ve been really interested in these days, which is a framework for understanding your own mind.

i know that sounds large, but stay with me.

this framework is called “internal family systems” -- or i.f.s. for short -- and if you haven’t heard of it then i strongly suggest you read on.

it’s given me a lot of peace of mind and maybe it can do the same for you.

and before you say “wait i thought these emails were about blok”, then it’s a good time to remind everyone that every single blok we've ever shipped has had the following quote encoded in it:

“it is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves — sir edmund hillary”

k let’s get to it.

⊙

let’s start with the book definition of i.f.s.:

i.f.s. is a psychotherapeutic model developed in the 1980s by dr. richard schwartz.

it is now widely used in trauma therapy, couples therapy, and personal development work.

at its core, i.f.s. sees the human mind as a system of parts/ sub-personalities that interact with one another (much like a family does).

the real insight is seeing the human mind as a system of parts instead of 1 big mesh of sorts.

and it feels natural to think about the mind in that way!

> a part of me wants to text her > another part knows that’s not a good idea > another part of me keeps bringing up this recurring thought (unrelated) > a part of me wants to code right now. etc.

we all have many parts, and they are often in contradiction with each other.

with this perspective, we go from “know thyself” to “know thyselves”.

according to i.f.s., there are 3 main category of parts:

1/ the exiles

the hurt, younger parts of you that carry old pain (fear, shame, sadness) which are often pushed down and ignored.

2/ the managers

they try to keep life orderly so the exiles stay buried.

they show up as perfectionism, workaholism, emotional avoidance, and the like.

3/ the firefighters

when the exiles break through, firefighters rush in with impulsive numbing (food, substances, distractions) to shut the pain down.

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let's go through an example:

picture a young man.

there’s an exiled part of him that believes that love has to be earned (an incorrect belief, ofc).

“i’m only worthy when i perform, achieve, or impress", it thinks.

this part of him is terrified of not being worthy enough (to himself and others).

as this young man grows up, a manager part gradually develops within him that pushes him to work non-stop and stay productive.

“if we stay impressive, we never have to feel that old pain again!”

this manager part, deep down, is only trying to protect the part that was once exiled.

but, there comes a night when there’s actually not much work to do.

a silent and peaceful night ensues, which means that the exile finally has enough space to break through and cry for help.

"listen to me, i'm in pain", it pleads.

a lot of charged emotions start bubbling up, like the pain of loneliness that this young man has had to endure throughout his life.

now, if it becomes too much for him to handle, a firefighter part comes to the rescue:

> “maybe scroll on your phone for a bit?” > “call a friend. now." > "hmm, you haven't done exercise in a while. let's go on a run." > "i feel like smoking rn."

what you see here is a common dynamic of parts acting out in their own protective ways, all stemming from an exiled part that needs healing.

it's core to the philosophy of i.f.s. to understand that there are no bad parts. they're all just trying to protect you.

through i.f.s. therapy sessions, you start to get to know these parts more and see the patterns through which they act out in your own system.

in doing so, you can tap into a calm and centered state, referred to as the "self" in i.f.s., from which you can start to lead your life from.

from self, you start to understand how to heal your exiled parts and recognize that they don’t need salvation -- because they were never bad to begin with.

all they need is love.

⊙

this new way of seeing my own mind has been helpful to me, which is why i wanted to share :).

i recently started i.f.s. therapy with a trained professional and it’s been going well so far. i'm 3 sessions deep.

you close your eyes and have someone guide you through the exploration of your own parts.

it’s fun. it's intense.

if you’re curious to learn more about this all, here are some helpful links for ya:

- i.f.s. as explained by the creator, dr. schwartz - dr. schwartz & rich roll interview - the interview that introduced me to i.f.s. (in spanish) 

much love, dani.

p.s. know that my inbox is always open :).